Where to Draw the Line?

Lately, I have really been struggling with something. As a mother of a child with autism, I have had to develop "thick skin" so to speak. People often say things that are hurtful or unkind about Ethan's behavior.....mostly out of earshot....but sometimes directly to me. And MOST of the time, these people are coming from a genuine place of concern & desire to help. And MOST of the time, I am able to get past the sting of their words to hear what they are trying to say to me. MOST of the time it's words of support, such as.....

All kids have trouble with ____(fill in the blank)_____.
In 10 years, this won't be a problem anymore.
Sorry to hear about Ethan.
You are doing great at taking a bad situation & turning it into something good.
Ethan's (sensory) issues limit his activities, so don't stress about trying to involve him in them.
BUT he's so smart!
I wish my kid had autism.

I could go on, but these are things that have been said to me in the last couple of weeks....fresh ones. People have good intentions, and I try to hear what they are saying & not HOW they are saying it. But, I'll be honest, I do struggle with this.

On one hand, I am so THANKFUL that people feel like they can say what is on their heart/mind. I don't want that to stop! I'm glad there is a comfortableness.....and I'm glad people don't shy away from talking about Ethan or his autism with me. I could talk about my son forever! Just try me! HA! AND, being the stay-at-home mom of an only child who happens to have autism is already a very isolated life. I don't want to ruin the adult relationships that I have managed to maintain. AND, if I become too sensitive to the non-special needs community's words, then how will I be able to maintain a dialog & promote understanding?! And herein lies my dilemma.

How do I handle these statements? These "supportive" comments? Because, right now, all I do is continue on with my conversation & then come home in tears/anger/both, and my poor husband gets to deal with me. Thank goodness he's really good at talking me down off the ledge! HA!

Thankfully, I do have a great family......a large family.......that are very supportive & wonderful about being open & honest without offending. And this is a blessing. I also have a great group of close girl friends who have the talent of keeping things real, & yet I leave their presence being encourage & not discouraged.....and Corey has the same. And we have a great church family that love us with all their hearts. I really don't know how I would be able to deal with negativity in my life without these wonderful positive people.

For example, something happened this Sunday at church that was out of our "normal" routine. It had already been a rough morning for Ethan because Corey & I had to drive separate due to a meeting I had after church. Then, when we got to church, the air conditioning unit (that is right next to the entrance we usually use) was making a very loud humming sound. And, if you remember the sensory chart I talked about previously, these 2 incidents close together were causing Ethan to climb the chart into the overload range. Then something happened at the check-in point with paperwork mix up, and we were told that he needed to go to another class...which would mean other activity that was out of routine. I began internally panicking because I knew that Ethan was going to have a major meltdown if we didn't "fix" things quickly. Then, I locked eyes with one of my amazing girl friends. She could see it. I didn't have to say a word, but she knew......thank you God for putting her there! She said just the right thing at just the right time, and we were able to move passed the potential meltdown..for me & Ethan. (We broke the rules & put Ethan in the class anyway......shhhhh.....don't tell!) And, thankfully, I have lots of stories like this...maybe they even outweigh the negative stories.

OK.....so this has helped me work through a little bit of my struggle. I think I'm going to start a page on this blog. Our stories of encouragement from others. And when those stinging comments pierce through my growing thick skin, I will be able to reflect on the positive stories, the positive comments, the positive people God has placed in our life. I'm sure Corey will be glad, too.....less mommy meltdowns!