Socializing....It's Not Just Difficult On Ethan

This past weekend, we had a WONDERFUL surprise....my dad & step-mom came here for a visit! One of my nieces was having her 2nd birthday party, and we were so fortunate to spend the entire weekend with them. They live about 6 hours away from us, so whenever they come for a visit, we try to spend as much time with them as possible. It was a great weekend!!!

But, during this weekend, I realized something about myself. I have always known that Ethan would prefer not to be in social situations but instead play on his own. However, this weekend, I realized that watching Ethan among other kiddos is difficult on ME.

In our own home, Ethan seems like a pretty typical 3 year old. He is comfortable with his environment as well as Corey & me. We speak his language, his environment is tailored for his sensory issues, and his social skills seem adequate.....at home. As much as I would love for him to be in this protective bubble of home, I know that this won't help him in the long run. So, we stretch him & put him in social situations as much as he can handle. It is good for him to learn social skills, language development, and other things from his peers.

But, I would be lying if I said it wasn't hard for this mama to watch. In our home, sometimes I forget that he even has autism. But when we leave the comfort of our home, and venture out into the world....I am reminded of how unique Ethan really is......and that pain of a dream lost comes to me all over again. Yes, I try to look on the bright side, and remember Ethan's super powers.....and that usually helps. But when I see Ethan playing by himself among a group of interacting children.....it stings. When I am trying to explain why pushing isn't nice during a time-out session, and he is only repeating my words....it hurts. When the entire family sits down to dinner, and Ethan is crying because he has to sit at the table with the rest of us....it is painful. It's like I'm being reminded over & over again that Ethan has autism.....and that is difficult for this mama to endure.

Someone once said to me that in order to teach a typical neurological developing child a skill, you may have to teach them 100 times. In order for the child with autism to learn the same skill, you may have to teach them 1,000 times. And I completely believe that. But, it can't be my excuse to give up on him. Ethan may have difficulty learning social rules or sitting at the table for long periods or using his words, but that doesn't mean I don't teach him otherwise. We work on it. Over & over & over again. I believe that he will one day get it. He is already doing better today than he was yesterday. Today, he is sleeping through the night, he is using a fork & spoon, he is potty trained, his use of functional speech is getting better, he is understanding more & more social rules, and so much more! He is getting it a little bit at a time.

So, I will have my little cry sessions in the shower, pray to God to be with my little guy, write all my feelings out, and then I will take my big girl pill, pour a cup (or two) of coffee & face another day learning to live with autism. And even though it is hard for me to see Ethan in social situations, we will keep doing it....because it is beneficial for Ethan & his future. And that is the prize I keep my eye on....