A truly HAPPY Halloween!

When Corey & I imagined what our holidays would look like when we had kids, we were probably like most parents. For Halloween specifically, I envisioned me sewing costumes, carving outrageous pumpkins, baking delicious & creatively decorated (yet somehow healthy) treats, helping with classroom parties, and so on. Well, even before we knew of Ethan's official autism diagnosis, we realized that our "holiday dreams" were just that....a dream. Whenever a holiday came around, Ethan had difficulty.....too much noise, too much out of routine, too much "new-ness". Even putting decorations up around the house can cause Ethan's anxiety to climb.

So, when Ethan's school sent home a note about his class participating in a costume parade & simple class party, I began to have anxiety myself. I always thought that one of the major perks about being a stay-at-home mom was that I would be able to participate in day-time school activities....and I was so excited to go!!!!! But then I started mentally walking through the day.....through my son's eyes. And I decided that it was better for him if I didn't go. Surprised? Well, Ethan seems to be handling things better without me. For a long time, Ethan needed me to help him handle his nervousness....through my familiar-ness, my routine words of comfort, my applying his sensory diet, etc. But recently, he seems to be better behaved for others & if I'm around he seems to have more meltdowns....almost like he's relying on me & not the skills he has learned. For instance, if we go out to eat & he sits by me...he is constantly pushing & "wallering" me in order to gain the deep pressure that he needs. If he sits by Corey, he doesn't push against Corey but instead he asks to draw, color, etc. I'm just assuming it's a mom thing. I also thought that if Ethan saw me coming to his classroom, he may also think that it was time to go....since I pick him up from school. So, I thought it would be better for everyone if I didn't go.....Ethan would be better behaved & have a better experience. Another "dream" I had to let go.

However, my AWESOME husband decided to go to Ethan's school party instead!!!!! We decided that this would be the best for everyone. Ethan would have a parent there, but would still be better behaved than if I went. And Corey told me that Ethan did GREAT! There was a lot of commotion & a lot of new, but Ethan handled it all very well! NO MELTDOWNS!!!!!!!!!!!! In my book, that is SUCCESS!!!!!!! Maybe I will be able to go to the next one! My dream is not lost!

Our "Steak-n-Shake Guy"

School party

Ethan's school party was on Friday, and then that evening my oldest niece had her birthday party....with about 50 people. Again, I was nervous as to how Ethan would handle TWO parties in one day. And, again, Ethan surprised me! He did GREAT! He played the games, he interacted with other adults AND kids, he even ate a NEW food! WHO IS THIS KID!!!!!!!??????? At one point, I almost started crying. Ethan was playing by himself at my feet while I was talking with a friend. The other kids started playing a game that resembled a "cake walk".....you walk in a marked out square while the music plays. When the music stops, the caller draws a number. If you are standing on that number, you get a cake.....or in this case...prize/candy. All of the kids were walking in the square, and Ethan stands up.....walks over to the kids.....and jumps in line! He started walking in the square with the rest of them!!!!!!! I couldn't believe it! I was so stunned that I totally didn't hear a word my friend said....in fact I may have cut her off to point out what Ethan just did!!!! I seriously had to fight back tears. Ethan would not have done this months ago, and, yet, here he is doing it on his own!!!!! He only went a couple of rounds before he got upset, but he still didn't have a meltdown....just whined. YEAH!!!!!!

We were able to last at the party for 1.5 hours before Ethan had maxed out. The next day was Saturday, and we went to a movie & had another birthday party. Ethan was cracking me up during the movie because he was talking to it......REALLY loud! It was hilarious! And the whole time I just kept thinking about how lucky we are to have a child who is TALKING. Sorry to the folks sitting around us, but my kiddo is talking up a storm, and we are LOVING it! Then, at the birthday party that night, Ethan was able to last 2 hours. And even then we only left because he was getting cold (it was outside), but I think he could have gone longer. At one point, he started to get upset about something. Guess what it was!? He was upset because there wasn't anymore room at the kids table & he WANTED to sit with the other kiddos!!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!!!!

The next day was Sunday, and Ethan once again went to his new classroom. One of his teachers told me that he, once again, did great. Then, that night, our church hosted their annual "Trick or Trunking". We used to do this in the parking lot, but because of the cold & sometimes rainy weather, we now do it in our gym. Anytime we take Ethan into the gym or that type of building, I get nervous because the noise echos in there...making it louder. So, just in case, we had his headphones. But......once again, he surprised us & did EXCELLENT! I never saw him even cover his ears! HE LOVED IT! He went from person to person....saying Trick or Treat, taking only one piece of candy, and saying Thank You. It was amazing to see this because at Christmas last year, our church held a kids party-type event in the gym, and Ethan had to wear his ear plugs & sit on his Grandpa's lap most of the time. And here he was this weekend, just trick-or-trunking with the rest of the kiddos....and loving every minute of it!

Waiting to go Trick or Trunking at church

Ethan & Winnie the Pooh at Trick or Trunking

This picture is a little blurry because the subject was moving quickly! Trick or Trunking from station to station.

Then the big day....Halloween. HE LOVED IT!!!!!! Because he was a "Steak-n-Shake Guy" we decided to take him there for dinner. He LOVES this restaurant, so we originally thought that if he couldn't handle all the Halloween activities, he could at least have a special day by eating at his favorite place. 'Course that was before he handled the weekend so well. But we had planned on doing it, so we went. And the staff there was so excited about his costume! The manager said to him....."You need a name tag to go with your costume!"....and she made him one! Ethan was beyond thrilled! He thought that was the coolest thing EVER!

Steak-n-Shake manager made Ethan his own name tag!

"Welcome to Steak-n-Shake!"

After dinner, we came back to our neighborhood & started trick-or-treating. Ethan LOVED IT! He would say "TRICK-OR-TREAT!", take one piece of candy & then say "Thank You!" EVERY TIME! After we would get done at one house, he would say, "Now, let's go find more candy." And then as we were walking up to the next house, he would say, "Now, let's go knock on THIS door." He was so excited that he was practically running from house to house. It was so precious. Corey & I kept laughing at how much fun he was having, and how much we were enjoying his joy. After we did several houses in our area, we made the family rounds. First to my mom's house, then to my mom's friend's house, then to Corey's parents house, then to Corey's aunt & uncle's house, and finally to meet up with my sister. By the time we got home it was 10pm, but Ethan was showing no sign of being tired. He was having a GREAT time! I thought he would be maxed out.....not only from the busy weekend, but having to endure so many transitions & new things. But this kid loved every second of it.

VERY excited! He got smiley face fruit snacks!

I was having just as much fun as Ethan

"Thank You!"

 
When I realized that Ethan had autism & had difficulty in so many situations & experiences, I mourned. Not because I don't love my child, but because I had to let go of so many of MY own hopes, dreams & plans. But, for me, I couldn't stay in the mourning period....although some days it sneaks up on me. For me, I decided to be proactive & help Ethan in anyway I could. And, as Dr. Temple Grandin says, "You gotta stretch 'em." However, stretching Ethan is difficult because it's hard on him......which makes it hard on me. But, I keep reminding myself that it will all be worth it for him in the long run. But, I gotta tell you...............most of the time that is easier said than done. It would be so much easier on me if we stayed at home & let him line up his cars for hours or zone out on computer games for hours. BUT that won't benefit Ethan......and so I continue to stretch him. And this weekend, I was able to see my son truly enjoying a holiday......a crazy, noise-filled, out-of-routine holiday. And that gives me the strength to go on.

And when my son walked into school the day after Halloween, surrounded by his peers, their parents & teachers, and said as loud as he could, "HAPPY HALLOWEEN!", everyone laughed & smiled. And I thought to myself........"Ethan you have no idea how truly HAPPY it was."