"If, Then"

Awhile back, my mom, my husband & I attended a Dr. Temple Grandin conference. During that amazing time of learning, we sat next to a wonderful lady. She's the type of woman you could hear talk for days & never tire of what she has to say. She was fun, upbeat, and extremely knowledgeable in her field. She was a speech therapist! In fact, she retired last year, but came back for 6 weeks in order to fill in for a friend......and, I think, to influence my world.

During our many conversations, she told us about a "trick" she uses with her students. Although autism looks very different among the spectrum, there seem to be a few common characteristics. One of them is the obsessive nature. For example, if Ethan wants to listen to a particular song in the car, he will ask for it repeatedly until we oblige him. The longer we put off put him off or the longer it takes for us to find that particular song, the more intense his urgency.....and ultimately ending in a meltdown. My example is a very minor example, but it does become a real issue when it comes to eating, toilet training, social etiquette, and so on......situations that he MUST learn in order to be able to function in the world.

As I said before, we started using Disney's Special Agent OSO's "Step One, Two & Three" strategy. Well......that worked for Daddy, but not for me. All I would do is say, "Step One,"....and he already knew that I was going to make him do something other than what HE wanted to do.....and a meltdown would occur. So, when our new conference friend started telling me about "IF, THEN," I was all ears.

When a kiddo wants to do nothing other than what THEY want to do....whether that be a toy, a game, a particular food, an activity, etc........you use the IF, THEN format. So, using the requested song example, I would say, "Ethan, IF you listen to If Your Happy, then you can listen to Itsy Bitsy Spider." This has been a miracle at our house. I use it for EVERYTHING!!!!!!

*If you eat one bite of dinner, then you get one fruit snack - this is how I get him to eat stuff he doesn't want to eat

*If you pick up your books, then we can play with puzzles.

*If we change your diaper, then you can play with the Lite Brite.

This is how we started, and now we are able to....as I'm reminded by Temple Grandin....we are able to "stretch him." I can now have Ethan do 2 things before the reward. Sometimes Ethan will pick up his own toys without me prompting him. Then, he will come to me & say, "If you pick up your toys, NOW we can play iPad." Sounds good to me kiddo!!!!

I will be honest....it is easier just to put his favorite song on repeat, but, in my opinion, that does Ethan a HUGE disservice. He can't always have his own way. But sometimes, using my discernment, I realize that he is only 3 years old, and most 3 year olds want to hear the same song over & over again or watch the same movie over & over again. And sometimes I will allow him to hear a song over & over again during a trip to run errands.....but that is mostly so he will be calm for the errand part. It really is all about discernment, and thinking about what will be best for Ethan....either in that situation or in the future. But I'm so glad that we have found this tool that is currently helping Ethan to "stretch".