A meltdown is similar to a tantrum or fit.....they appear to be the same. However, they are different in many ways. Autism-Causes.com does a great job of listing some of the characteristics of the meltdown & how they are different from a tantrum. Here is what they had to say......
The meltdown is a common autistic characteristic feared and dreaded by both caregivers and autistics. Not to be confused with a temper tantrum. There are differences that are easy to spot if you are looking.
1. During a melt down, a child with autism does not look or care, if those around him are reacting to his behavior. A child having a tantrum will look to see if their behavior is getting a reaction.
2. A child in the middle of a meltdown does not consider their own or others safety. A child in the middle of a tantrum takes care to be sure they won't get hurt.
3. A child in the meltdown mode has no interest or involvement in the social situation. A child who throws a tantrum will use the social situation to their benefit.
4. Meltdowns seem to move along under their own power and wind down slowly. With a tantrum, it will end suddenly when the situation is resolved.
5. A meltdown gives the feeling that no one is in control. A tantrum will give you the feeling that the child is in control, although they are pretending they are not.
6. The meltdown usually begins when a specific want has not been permitted and after a point, nothing can satisfy the child until the meltdown has run its course. A tantrum is thrown to achieve a specific goal and once the goal is met, things return to normal.
To be honest, it IS very difficult to distinguish between Ethan throwing a fit and having a meltdown. We have worked so much with Ethan on controlling his anxiety & feeling loss of control that his meltdowns are not nearly as bad as they had been at one time. So, they are looking very similar to his temper tantrums. If Ethan looks like his bones have instantly disappeared...causing him to fall into a pool of weightless body on the floor, that's a meltdown. Stomping his feet at the same time, that's a fit. I have definitely mis-judged which is which several times.....which makes parenting Ethan a bit more challenging.....but I try to be as consistent as I can. I feel that if I'm loving but firm, I will be fine either way.......fingers crossed!
When a meltdown does occur, I have found that there is nothing one can to except to do all you can to keep them & others safe from harm. A lot of times that just means waiting it out.....and then use the teachable moment that occurs after it is finished. If you have ever experienced a meltdown or been around when a meltdown is occurring, you now know why focusing on PREVENTION of a meltdown scenario is so critical. For me, I do all I can ahead of time in order to prevent a meltdown from happening....no matter what others may think of me.
A meltdown is a scary thing. When Ethan has a meltdown or I can see one coming on, I feel so helpless. I want to help him, but I can't. In fact, sometimes I have made it worse. When his anxiety is already escalating, and I get in his space to comfort him or start talking to explain things to him (causing more noise & confusion), this will push him over the edge. So, if I see it coming, I usually try & remove him from the situation in order to calm him down....this seems to be the best thing we have found to help Ethan. We also help Ethan by giving him lots of down time after social events like school, church, family gatherings, going out to eat, shopping, etc. He needs this time to "re-charge" his system, and prepare for the next thing such as family dinner, playing with cousins or friends, etc.
We have also really focused on Ethan learning & understanding independent coping skills. He can cover his ears when it's too loud for him.....and, yes, we had to teach him to do this.....prior to this, he would just meltdown. We have to teach him to "use his words".....and then give him the words to use. I remember thinking how funny it was for me to teach my son the phrase, "I don't want to, Mom.".....after asking him to do something he didn't want to do.....like take a bath or clean up his toys. But I needed to give him these words & prompt him to use them, otherwise it would be a meltdown from the transition. It was just difficult to teach him to express his feelings.....and then make him pick up his toys anyway! HA! We have puppets that we used to play this "game" with....and that helped with confusion as well. (PS...transitioning from one activity to another is a very common trigger. Giving lots of warnings or having a transitional support aid...like a timer or schedule...is very helpful.)
Ethan's meltdowns have definitely lessened since being in an early intervention program. Through speech therapy he is able to express how he is feeling more & more, through occupational therapy he is able to handle more & more environmental sensory stimulation, and through developmental play at his school he is able to understand this world more & more. But when the meltdowns happen.....and they will happen.....all I can do is keep him safe, stay consistent, and try to help Ethan through the issue. And when he is calm & has moved through the situation, I give myself short break. I need a moment to cry, to pray for strength & wisdom, to give myself distance & perspective, and.....to get another cup of coffee.
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