Breaking Bad Sleep Routine

I'm so TIRED!!! I wish I could say it was just today, buy it's been a couple of months now. I don't know WHEN it started but I know WHY it started. Ethan has been coming into our bedroom in the middle of the night EVERY NIGHT for months now. At first, it was just easier to pull him into our bed with us, but now he is doing it ALL THE TIME....and the only one getting a good night sleep is Ethan!

So, today as I wait in the town 30 minutes from home while Ethan is here for his Easter Seals Preschool program....I decided to borrow my mom's laptop & write at Barnes & Noble....where they serve Starbucks!!! And the Starbucks gal must have seen how tired I was when she "recommended" an extra shot of expresso in my latte......Thank you Starbucks Angel!

Well, this past weekend, we decided to try & break this habit. We have tried different things to see if he actually prefers our bed to his.....but it seems he just wants to be with us....regardless of the actual bed. At midnight last night, Ethan came to our door & asked, "Daddy, will you snuggle me in your chair?" LOL....ok....it's not his bed.

So, we told him that if he stayed in his bed & his room all night long, he would get 5 SKITTLES in the morning. We even laid them out the night before....he was so excited. Skittles are our currency in our house. If Ethan uses his words instead of throwing a fit, we reward him with ONE Skittle. If he does something without complaining, he gets a Skittle. We haven't had to use Skittles in awhile, but recently we have started this system again due to some undesirable behavior on his part....but that's for another day.

As we were putting Ethan to bed, he became to "recite" the new rule out loud...."If I stay in my bed all night long, I get 5 Skittles when it is day." My husband then brought in an alarm clock......BRILLIANT!!! He told Ethan that when the alarm goes off, it would be day & he could get out of bed. LOVE IT!!!!

Everything worked pretty well. Ethan got up a few times before Corey & I actually went to be ourselves, so putting him back in his bed wasn't too bad. Most of the time, Ethan would ask us to lay with him but then fall immediately back to sleep.  In fact, I think he only woke up that one time to ask Daddy to snuggle. I think that is pretty good for our first night of trying.

However, Ethan was sooooo excited for those 5 Skittles that he woke up at 5:30am....and asking for them. I reminded him that his alarm hadn't gone off yet, but it didn't matter.....he was awake for the day.....and so was I.

Ironically, I was watching the show Up All Night on Hulu before I went to bed last night, and the couple on the show was having the same issue! Something they tried on there was putting something in the kiddo's bed that had Mommy & Daddy's scent on them. And since Ethan is very sensory driven, I figured that this would be a good idea! So tonight, Ethan's stuffed Cookie Monster & Elmo will be sporting a shirt from Corey & a shirt from me....just have to decide who each of us should be! HA!

So, we will see how this goes. I really want Ethan to have a good night of sleep, but Mommy & Daddy need sleep too! I will keep you all posted on how this goes....Skittles, alarm clock, scent covered stuffed animals & all. But you tell me.....Do I really look that tired???? Wait.....don't answer that. :0)

Frustration

Warning! This post is a therapy session for me. I have just had a terrible day, and this is how I'm coping with it.....by writing. And one of my biggest goals of writing is to be completely honest, so don't say you weren't warned.

I am sooooo frustrated. Ethan has been pushing kids for months now, and it seems to be coming in waves. It gets bad & then it is fine...or at least manageable...and then it gets bad again. For the last couple of weeks, he has been less & less compliant in doing our usual activities....going to the bathroom, changing out of his pjs, getting his book bag, etc. He only seems to want to do what he WANTS to do, and nothing else. He even had a potty accident yesterday because he refused to go to the bathroom? What is going on with him? Ugh.

Then, yesterday, I was told that his pushing has gotten really bad....to the point that he pushed someone over in their chair. I hadn't seen him getting that bad at home, but I knew that he just hasn't been himself lately. So, just in case he wasn't feeling well, I kept him home today. And I saw it. He isn't just pushing kids until they fall down. He is shoving them. And several times today, he charged at the kids like a bull! THEN, once they were down on the ground, he is sitting/laying on them! Oh my word!

OK....I get that kids do this. I get that. My frustration is.....who do I ask for advice? Who has been through this? Who can give me a solution? Or at least a plan to stick to so I'm not flying off the handle because I am hearing my niece crying & yelling for help as Ethan is sitting on her?!?! My sister & I thought that me watching her kids would be a good idea, but it just seems like they are being bullied by Ethan. And it is hard for me because I don't want any harm to come to any of my nieces & nephews.....and yet I see my own child being a bully! UGH! I don't know what to do or where to turn?

Do you ever have days where you just want to curl up in a ball & cry? That is what I am feeling in this moment. I don't know what to do about Ethan's behavior. All of my resources are saying to try things that I have already tried. OR they are saying that he will just grow out of it. This reminds me of when Ethan was biting other kids when he was an infant. And....he did just grow out it.

But that doesn't mean that I look the other way & don't TRY to get through to him?! But I just feel like I have exhausted my brain, energy & resources trying to get him to understand that he is hurting other people. I just don't know where to go from here. I can't give up, but what do I do?

The thing that is helping me get through this rough patch with Ethan is that he is BOOMING in other areas. His speech is expanding & becoming more & more functional. It's crazy how much he has improved in this area over the last couple of months. He is also becoming more & more social. When we go out to restaurants, he has started asking to go sit with other families....the families with kids at their table. Love that he wants to go play with other kids! ('Course, he may just want to tackle them! HA!) He is also becoming much more independent. Just yesterday, he opened the refrigerator to get his water bottle out of the door. This was the first time he had ever done this on his own. BUT, he didn't just get out his water bottle.....he got out his cousins' drinks & passed them out to them! OK, he didn't close the refrigerator, but he did went I asked him. Today.....he closed it on his own.

OK.....thanks for the rant. Back to reality......wish me luck.

Where to Draw the Line?

Lately, I have really been struggling with something. As a mother of a child with autism, I have had to develop "thick skin" so to speak. People often say things that are hurtful or unkind about Ethan's behavior.....mostly out of earshot....but sometimes directly to me. And MOST of the time, these people are coming from a genuine place of concern & desire to help. And MOST of the time, I am able to get past the sting of their words to hear what they are trying to say to me. MOST of the time it's words of support, such as.....

All kids have trouble with ____(fill in the blank)_____.
In 10 years, this won't be a problem anymore.
Sorry to hear about Ethan.
You are doing great at taking a bad situation & turning it into something good.
Ethan's (sensory) issues limit his activities, so don't stress about trying to involve him in them.
BUT he's so smart!
I wish my kid had autism.

I could go on, but these are things that have been said to me in the last couple of weeks....fresh ones. People have good intentions, and I try to hear what they are saying & not HOW they are saying it. But, I'll be honest, I do struggle with this.

On one hand, I am so THANKFUL that people feel like they can say what is on their heart/mind. I don't want that to stop! I'm glad there is a comfortableness.....and I'm glad people don't shy away from talking about Ethan or his autism with me. I could talk about my son forever! Just try me! HA! AND, being the stay-at-home mom of an only child who happens to have autism is already a very isolated life. I don't want to ruin the adult relationships that I have managed to maintain. AND, if I become too sensitive to the non-special needs community's words, then how will I be able to maintain a dialog & promote understanding?! And herein lies my dilemma.

How do I handle these statements? These "supportive" comments? Because, right now, all I do is continue on with my conversation & then come home in tears/anger/both, and my poor husband gets to deal with me. Thank goodness he's really good at talking me down off the ledge! HA!

Thankfully, I do have a great family......a large family.......that are very supportive & wonderful about being open & honest without offending. And this is a blessing. I also have a great group of close girl friends who have the talent of keeping things real, & yet I leave their presence being encourage & not discouraged.....and Corey has the same. And we have a great church family that love us with all their hearts. I really don't know how I would be able to deal with negativity in my life without these wonderful positive people.

For example, something happened this Sunday at church that was out of our "normal" routine. It had already been a rough morning for Ethan because Corey & I had to drive separate due to a meeting I had after church. Then, when we got to church, the air conditioning unit (that is right next to the entrance we usually use) was making a very loud humming sound. And, if you remember the sensory chart I talked about previously, these 2 incidents close together were causing Ethan to climb the chart into the overload range. Then something happened at the check-in point with paperwork mix up, and we were told that he needed to go to another class...which would mean other activity that was out of routine. I began internally panicking because I knew that Ethan was going to have a major meltdown if we didn't "fix" things quickly. Then, I locked eyes with one of my amazing girl friends. She could see it. I didn't have to say a word, but she knew......thank you God for putting her there! She said just the right thing at just the right time, and we were able to move passed the potential meltdown..for me & Ethan. (We broke the rules & put Ethan in the class anyway......shhhhh.....don't tell!) And, thankfully, I have lots of stories like this...maybe they even outweigh the negative stories.

OK.....so this has helped me work through a little bit of my struggle. I think I'm going to start a page on this blog. Our stories of encouragement from others. And when those stinging comments pierce through my growing thick skin, I will be able to reflect on the positive stories, the positive comments, the positive people God has placed in our life. I'm sure Corey will be glad, too.....less mommy meltdowns!