Caretaker update

Ever since I had an "inkling" about Ethan having autism, every chance I could get I was reading about this disorder. During his nap time, after he went to bed, talking with my friends, and so on. Every minute of the day, my mind was absorbed with learning all I could about this in order to help Ethan & understand all I could about what he was experiencing.

But, as I have written about before, I finally had to set a limit. I needed to find balance because I was going out of my mind. There is so much information that I could research it 24/7, and still have a mountains more to go. So...I have stopped. When a situation arises, and we don't know how to handle it, we do research & reach out to the autism community. But for the most part, I have MADE myself stop. And it has been better for our family.

Now, I am better able to ENJOY the day to day life with autism. My sister-in-law once said this to me about raising kids, "The days are long, but the years are short." And she is so right. So, I vowed to stop obsessing & start living. Now, I set aside time for me most days & I am a better mom/wife because of it. And my husband even says that he can tell a difference in me....for the better. And I think that is true for so many moms. We forget to take time for ourselves.

Well, here is an update on Taking Care of the Caretaker.

I am on week 3 of the Couch to 5K program. I started this a month ago, and then Ethan & I came down with strep throat. So, I have started this again. I LOVE IT! I actually look forward to the time spent running on the treadmill! I have an iPhone that I downloaded the program onto as well as music. It is great! And a couple of my girl friends have talked me into running a 5K at our town's festival in September! I'm really nervous, but I'm also very excited too!

Also, I have really been focusing on our entire family eating better. We are eating at home more, and I am watching my calorie & carb intake. Although I have shed a few pounds, I'm really just trying to put our family back on a healthier eating path. I am also doing Body by Vi shakes for breakfast & occasionally lunch. My mother-in-law is doing them & made me a shake one day. They were so yummy, so I have been doing it now too.

Other than working out & eating better, I have MADE myself stop & do some relaxing activities (on the days I don't run). Mostly, I have been doing 500-1000 piece puzzles & reading series novels. Every time I get a new puzzle or book out, my husband jokingly waves goodbye & tells me he will see me in the next couple of days. It's true.....I get very absorbed in these relaxing activities....to the point of staying up way past my bedtime! But they are so relaxing!

This is a series of books that I just finished called The Potluck Club. Although only 4 are pictured, there are 6 books in total. I LOVED these books! They are about 6 Christian women who's prayer group turned into a potluck club & eventually into a catering business. I liked these books because they are fun & easy to read, they are about REAL women with REAL problems, and they support each other through all of it. I checked these out at my library although they are available to purchase. To find out more, click here.

Here are all of the puzzles that I have done.

This was a birthday gift from my mom.

I found the missing pieces later!

This was another birthday gift from my mom.

This was my Mother's Day gift from Corey.

I saw this one at Hobby Lobby, and just HAD to get it!

This puzzle is what Ethan picked out for my Mother's Day gift! How sweet!

Depression

I swear to tell the truth. The whole truth & nothing but the truth...

Lots of you responded to the One Year Later post. Most of you were very supportive & loving. Thank you so much for that....you have no idea how much it meant to me during that difficult week. I really appreciate it. However, some of you (mostly family members) expressed some concern for my well being. Well....I guess this is a topic that needs to be addressed due to it's relevance of learning to live with autism.

For several months now, I have been in conversation with my doctor about depression. Nothing severe, and honestly, I wasn't even "sad" most of the time, but I noticed that I would cry every day because something would touch my heart so deeply. I thought this was just part of becoming a mom! Ever since this amazing little guy has come into my life, I feel things deeper & stronger ever! So those silly Hallmark commercials that I used to tease my own mother for crying over.....I was now the one who was crying! This & other signs led me to consult with my doctor, family & close friends. (You know who you are! THANK YOU!)

So, for the past 6 months or so, I have been working with my doctor & trying to overcome this "emotion surge" that would happen to me several times a day. I would pray, meditate, get more sleep, eat better, do more relaxing activities, exercise more and so on. But after 6 months of this, the surges still persisted. So, my doctor has given me the smallest dosage possible of an anxiety-relieving medicine. I have been on it for a few weeks now, and I can tell a HUGE difference. I am able to talk to others about my child's disability without bursting into the ugly cry. This is nice because.....knowing that I couldn't talk about it without crying would lead me to simply NOT talk about it.....and that isn't healthy either. This is just one area that I have seen an improvement, but there are many others too. It has been a good choice for me.

Now, this is just my own story. This is not an advertisement for medicine or anything like that....I am just being real & honest. This is a journey, a learning experience, and this is where I am at right now.

But this did cause me to wonder if this is typical of mothers/parents of children with special needs. And I discovered something over & over again while researching this topic, and I guess it shouldn't surprise me. It IS common! Here is part of one article that I read......this echoes a lot of the other things that I read...

"Struggling to make sense of a foreign, chaotic and often lonely world, 40-70 percent of family caregivers show clinically significant symptoms of depression with approximately a quarter to half of these caregivers meeting the diagnostic criteria for major depression, reports the National Family Caregivers Association (NFCA) in the 2006 “Assessment of Family Caregivers: A Research Perspective.”

Mothers of children with autism had the highest rates of depression, according to a pivotal report published in the Journal of Intellectual Disability Research. Additionally, mothers of children with an intellectual disability (ID) had higher depression rates than parents of normally developing children (single mothers of children with disabilities were found to be more vulnerable to severe depression than mothers living with a partner).

Notably, fathers of children with disabilities showed normal depression scores. Why are moms at greater risk for spiraling into depression? The study suggests what is obvious to many women: We take on a greater share of the responsibility of parenting, are more likely to give up our jobs and interests and our self-competence is often tied to parenting—something that is tested beyond measure with a special-needs child.

“Parenting a child with ID increases the risk of provoking feelings of loss (i.e. of the perfect or dreamed of child and of one’s personal freedom), helplessness (i.e. experiencing high stress, not being able to change the situation and not being able to get the help one needs) and failure (i.e. having a child with difficult behavior and not being able to pursue one’s personal goals in life),” notes the study called “Depression in Mothers and Fathers of Children with an Intellectual Disability.” http://www.dfwchild.com/Thrive/showarticle.asp?artid=118

So, why am I sharing this with all of you? Because I want to share every part of this journey....the good, the bad & the ugly. And, honestly, all of you strongly responding to that particular post gave me the extra push I needed to admit that I need some extra help. So, thank you for your courage to speak your mind! And maybe this will help someone else!

Learning to Find Balance

A couple of weeks ago, I had a realization that I was taking care of everyone else.....and never taking care of myself. So, for 2 weeks now, I have been trying take some time & take care of my mind, body & soul. And, to keep myself accountable, I will be doing occasional updates here.

I'll be honest....this has not been easy for me. There are already limited hours in a day, and I feel like there is too much to do as a mother, wife & caretaker of the home. So, my changes have been small, but it's a start, right?

Mind - I have pulled back on my autism/parenting related reading & researching. I have pulled out some puzzles, magazines, and cookbooks to do or thumb through during our rest time instead. I have considered reading some of the popular series such as Hunger Games or Twilight, but when I do that....I don't do anything else until I have read the entire series. Maybe this summer....

Body - This has honestly been my focus the last couple of weeks. I have downloaded an app on my smartphone, and it keeps track of my food, exercise, water, sleep, and weight. MyFitnessPal has a scanner on it, and I am able to scan the bar-codes on my food for easy recording. I LOVE IT! I have really been focusing on healthier eating, drinking more water, and moving more. I am still trying to figure out when I can get in my daily exercise as well as WHAT to do. But for now, I have been going on walks or bike rides or playing Wii Dance 3. I have already lost some weight, and I have more energy.

MyFitnessPal example

 

I found this water bottle at Kohl's this past weekend. I love it! It holds 64 oz of water, and for the last 2 days, I have been able to drink TWO of them! If you would like one, click here!

Soul - I have been doing daily devotions in the morning, as I was previously. However, I have signed up to receive my devotions online. I typically write in the morning after my devotions, so it has been easier to do it all on the computer. It's so funny. The day that I began to think about finding an online daily devotion, my friend posted that she had been writing devotions for a couple years, and was now making it available in a blog format! It was PERFECT!!!! If you would like to follow her online devotions, go to MyMorningCoffee.org. (Is that meant for me or what!?)

Also, I have realized that most of my life is spent either alone or with children. So, to combat the isolated feeling that creeps up on me so often, I have done a couple of things. I have decided to stop nagging my husband about needing a date night, and just do it! I took him out on a date last weekend, and it was GREAT! We went to a dinner for parents of special needs kiddos, and it was a much needed time together. We laughed a lot! I will be taking him on dates more often! HA! The other thing that I have started doing is Sunday lunches with my sister's family & my mom. So often, Sunday afternoons are filled with sleeping kids, busy husbands, and bored me. So, my sister & I decided that this time of day we should have a big lunch, put the kids down for nap & enjoy catching up on our lives. We have done this for 2 Sundays now, and it has been so much fun! Even though I see my family often, we never get a chance to sit & talk without interruptions. PLUS! I'm getting good use out of my cookbooks finally! (You know I only know how to make coffee....and that's it!)

Well....that's it. These are the small steps that I have taken in order to have a balanced life once again. So much of the past years have been dedicated to Ethan....which I wouldn't do any differently.....but as he is getting older & doing so well overcoming the challenges he faces, I feel like I am able to take a step back & spread my energies on other things.....including some time for taking care of me.

So.....how do you keep a balanced life? What are some things that you do in your life to keep things in order? Got any ideas? Send them my way! Share with us! Post a comment!!! We would LOVE to hear your tips & tricks!!!!!

Who Takes Care of the Caretaker?

I have been thinking about this for awhile. And the answer is simple. Me. The problem is that I put 100% of my energy & brainpower into those I love and care for, and I leave nothing left for me. Then I wonder why I'm so tired, stressed, and maxed out.

So, over the last several months, I have been trying to find a balance. How can I still give Ethan what he needs as well as providing a balanced life for me? It's a struggle, no doubt. When I became a parent, my life changed. My sleep patterns changed, my eating changed, my social life changed, etc. When Ethan began Early Intervention & therapy, my life has changed again. All of my waking thoughts are how to help him in this world, and I never considered how this way of life would effect me. But it has. I often joke that I should take a picture of myself from year to year & see how much that year has aged me. So, I'm trying to find a balance. Balancing between being caretaker and just me. What can I do for me that will rejuvenate my mind, body & spirit? Well.....let's brainstorm.....

1. Rejuvenating my mind -I think this calls for an occasional Girls Night Out or Date Night....I'm on it!!! Something outside of the "autism world"...just for a little while.

2. Rejuvenating my body - This is an area of true struggle. Sadly, food is my comfort. I eat when I'm stressed, tired or upset. This was the case before the word AUTISM entered my life. However, since Ethan has been diagnosed with autism, I have gained 15 pounds.....and that has been less than a year. So, my goal is to STOP IT! Lol! I have been using a calorie tracker on my phone (Fitness Pal), and that has been pretty easy for me to record what I eat. I have actually been enjoying cooking (pause for your shocked reaction), and Ethan eating more foods is really spurring me on to cook a bigger variety. The next step will be to start back working out. The hard part will be finding the time, but in order to keep my life balanced, I need to get this time back.

3. Rejuvenating my soul - This I can do every day by doing my daily devotions. When Ethan was a baby, I would spend most of his nap time reading God's Word & meditating on it. It was wonderful. But since his therapy has begun, I use nap time (when he does sleep) to either write or research ways to do at home therapy or read books about autism. Always about Ethan & his autism. This is starting to swallow me. A new friend of mine recently said on her blog that, "sometimes a momma needs a break from it all." And that is true. So, I'm going to go back to carving out time to do my devotions (now I do it first thing in the morning), as well as finding time to read for pleasure, do a puzzle, or anything that is NOT autism or child rearing related. I think I can do that.....

The autism-related challenges that we face in our daily lives is very difficult. And it has taken me about a year to realize how much it has really effected my personal well-being. And this can not be good for me & is not good for Ethan. So, I'm going to try to find some balance. Once a week, I will blog about how or what I did that week to maintain balance...whatever that might look like. I'm calling it Taking Care of the Caretaker. My ENTIRE daily life can not be all about a thing called autism, like it has been for over a year now. I have to find a balance. So, I'm letting go of somethings (like a clean house & coupon-clipping), and I'm going to find more time for me....just one more part of learning to live with autism.